Sample Sunday: Out of the Shadows–Chapter 13

For today’s writing sample, I’m including a pivotal scene from my second novel, The Elysian Chronicles: Out of the Shadows.

A few things to note:

  • Out of the Shadows (and A Prophecy Forgotten) take place in two dimensions. In this scene, I give the reader insight into what is happening in both. Writing it so it made sense was a point of view nightmare. If you haven’t read Out of the Shadows, you might get confused with the POV changes. Just remember that Tom and his friends are humans in our dimension and Gabriella and her friends are cherubians (guardian angels) in a separate dimension.
  • Setting: Tom and his friends are midshipmen (i.e. students) at the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis.
  • If you aren’t familiar with my writing, my mornachts are like demons, and this shows a unique idea of what demon possession might look like from an angel’s point of view.

Chapter 13: The Shot Heard ‘Round the World

…Soon, Jake pointed just past Celestial Beans toward a restaurant with a crab-shaped, blue neon sign. “Crabby Jack’s. Best crab cakes on this side of the Chesapeake. Maybe we can get some coffee at Celestial Beans after we eat.”

Tom stared at Jake out of the corner of his eye. Jake never drank coffee in King Hall. Why would he have a hankering for it now?

Marco tapped Tom on the arm. “Your new friend is watching you.” He pointed to Celestial Beans, where Matt leaned against the door, sipping coffee and watching people pass.

“Matt’s fine, guys.”

“I think he’s a crackpot,” said Marco.

“And I think you’re paranoid, Batelli,” said Tom.

Marco laughed. “Did you just call me paranoid, O’Connor?”

“Shut up.”

“Are you two done, yet?” snapped Jake. He opened the door to Crabby Jack’s and waved Tom and Jake inside.

Marco glanced inside. “Hey, Larsen’s here.” He winced. “Ooh, his date looks like a horse.”

Tom and Jake saw Larsen sitting in a booth across from a girl with bobbed hair that accentuated her eyes, which were too far apart, and a nose and chin that protruded farther than normal.

“Batelli’s right,” whispered Jake. “She does resemble a horse.”

“Forget Larsen’s girl,” said Marco. “Check out the rest.” He straightened his uniform, stuck out his chest, and sauntered inside.

Jake rolled his eyes, watching Marco smile at a group of girls in a nearby booth. “Attention ladies,” he whispered to Tom. “Marco Batelli has just entered the building.”

Tom stepped inside, but the moment his foot hit the dark wood floor he stopped. His smile disappeared. He shivered, feeling the familiar, indescribable feeling that make him panic.

“Cold?” asked Jake.

“No, Smithy. I…” Tom stepped back. “It’s not right in here.”

“Are you sure?”

Tom nodded.

Marco stopped flirting with the girls and beckoned to Tom and Jake.

Tom shook his head and waved Marco out.

Marco frowned. “Will you excuse me, ladies?” He marched to Jake and Tom. “Is O’Connor having another one of his I-feel-evil moments?”

“Yeah,” said Jake, “but I think—”

“For crying out loud,” muttered Marco. He grabbed Tom’s arm. “This is Crabby Jack’s—not some seedy bar with murderers and drug pushers.” He pointed to two families enjoying crab cakes and lobster. “No five-year-old is going to blow this place up. You’re coming inside, and you’re going to enjoy it.”

“Batelli, I think we should—” Jake stopped and helplessly watched Marco drag Tom through the door.

*****

“Does Tom feel something again?” Barner asked.

“Over there,” said Gabriella. She pointed to an unshaven man with matted gray hair sitting alone in a booth near the restaurant entrance. He sucked the meat off a crab leg. His bloodshot eyes gazed wildly around the restaurant. He rocked back and forth, and each time he did, Gabriella saw the dim outline of a mornacht surface outside of him and disappear into him. A second mornacht attached itself to the man’s back, clasping his chest and hissing in his ear.

“He’s infested with two. One’s a resident. The other’s a rider.”

Allison shivered. “Marco, get your hands off Tom!”

Gabriella saw the man finger something in his pocket. “He may have a weapon. Get Marco off him, Allison, or I swear I’ll interfere!”

*****

Tom needed none of Gabriella’s interference. He slapped Marco’s hands away, pulled him outside, and shoved him against a wall. “Something evil is in there! Don’t try to make me go in!”

Marco pushed Tom off and straightened his collar. “You are crazy. If you want to go sulk somewhere, O’Connor, that’s fine, but Jake and I are going in. Come on, Smithy.” He opened the door for Jake.

Jake took a step back. “Uh, I, um. I think I’ll stay out here.”

“You’re the one who suggested this place!” said Marco. “What’s with you?”

Jake looked at his feet, refusing to answer.

“Fine,” said Marco. “You two find something more your speed—like an ice cream shop. But there’s chicks in there, and I’m going in.” He turned and walked inside.

Tom watched Marco enter and sighed. A cold autumn breeze blew through his uniform, making him shiver. His eyes fell on a nearby window where a dirty man with bloodshot eyes sat in a booth. The man smiled at Tom and winked. Tom gasped and backed away. He missed the curb and fell into the street.

Jake grabbed Tom and pulled him away from an oncoming car. “You okay?”

“Just fine,” said Tom. He glanced at the window and saw the man laugh. Should he go inside, grab Marco, and drag him out? And what about Larsen? They were Naval Academy midshipmen. They knew a thing or two about protecting themselves—more than most of the customers in the restaurant, anyway. He turned back to Jake. “Thanks for pulling me out of the way.”

Tom thrust his hands in his pockets and trudged down the street with Jake, remembering how awkward he used to feel as a child. Tiny Tommy Crybaby, that horrible nickname the boys at school called him, echoed inside his head.

“You all right?” asked Jake.

“Why are you out here instead of in there, Smithy? Hanging out with me isn’t going to make anyone like you.”

“It’s not about being liked. You said you felt something evil in there. I believe you.” Jake’s eyes wandered to the Celestial Beans sign. “Want some coffee?”

“Sure,” said Tom, wishing he felt like less of an outsider.

Inside, Tom stared at the pictures of soldiers with backless armor, wondering how Matt drew something that matched his dream perfectly. They meandered to the bar, and Tom’s eyes fell on the picture of the old man in blue robes. He turned to Jake. “Wait a minute. You chose Crabby Jack’s because you wanted to come back in here, didn’t you?”

“I had something I wanted to check out.”

Matt smiled at the two of them. “Hey, buddy,” he said to Tom.

Tom nodded back. “Hey.”

“Where’s your dark-haired friend.”

“He’s an idiot,” said Jake.

“I saw him try to force you into Crabby’s. So why didn’t you two go in?”

Tom shrugged. “Didn’t feel right in there.”

Matt raised an eyebrow. “It didn’t feel right?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” mumbled Tom. With Marco’s mouth, word of what happened would spread across the Yard by Monday. Soon even his company would stop talking to him. Would Jake still stick by him then?

“Tom can feel evil better than most people,” explained Jake. “If he tells you something feels weird, it’s best to listen to him.”

Matt poured steaming milk into a mug of espresso. “Really?” He handed the mug to Jake.

“Really,” said Jake, lowering his voice. “Most people don’t believe him. That’s why he’s quiet about it.” Jake raised his mug to his lips and stopped. “Hey, that’s a three leaf clover,” he said, pointing to the swirls of white and brown milk foam that formed a shamrock.

“Yep,” said Matt. “I can make hearts, too, but I save those for the ladies. I’ll get your coffee right up for you,” he added to Tom.

Jake pointed to the painting of the white-haired man in the blue robe. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you about that picture. Who drew it?”

“I did, man,” said Matt.

“Have you seen—? How did you know what—? I mean—”

Before Matt could answer, several loud bangs rang outside, followed by screams.

Jake, Matt, and Tom whipped around and saw people pouring out of Crabby Jack’s in panic. Jake’s mug fell from his hands, shattering on the hardwood floor. “Get down!” Tom yelled to Matt. Matt ducked behind the counter, and Tom ran out the door with Jake right behind him.

Tom and Jake forced their way to Crabby Jack’s, pushing through crowds of screaming people.

Tom heard three more gunshots inside. I should never have let Marco stay.

Tom searched Crabby Jack’s for Marco. Several people lay on the ground. Some of them moaned. Others cried. Many of them bled. Marco, Larsen, and Larsen’s girlfriend crouched under a table in the back.

Tom shivered. Something in the restaurant still gave him chills, but he ignored the feeling and pushed his way toward Marco.

“Look out!” yelled Jake. He dove on top of Tom as more shots rang out.

Tom’s hip hit the hard floor. He turned just in time to see a flash of matted hair run to the restaurant’s back room. “I see him,” he whispered to Jake. He pushed Jake off and prepared to chase after the man. He paused—blood covered his hand. That’s funny, he thought. He felt no pain. Then he saw the source of the blood.

Jake lay on the floor, pressing his hands into his shoulder, blood spilling between his fingers.

Chapter 14: The Medal of Honor

Tom dragged Jake under the table with Marco and the rest. Larsen grabbed Marco’s hands and shoved them on Jake’s shoulder. “Put pressure on it.”

Marco pressed on his shoulder, and Jake groaned.

Tom turned to Larsen. “What happened?”

“Gunman. Some crazy guy with—”

“Wild gray hair and bloodshot eyes, who hasn’t shaved in a few days, right?”

Larsen nodded. “Stood up and started shooting.”

“He just stood up. He just stood up,” said Marco, rambling. “Stood up and started shooting for no reason, and—how’d you know, O’Con—?”

“I know where he is,” said Tom. “Watch Smithy for me.” Tom crawled out from under the table.

“No you don’t, O’Connor,” said Larsen. He tried to grab Tom’s leg, but Tom was out of reach.

More shots rang out. Everyone ducked.

“Come back, O’Connor!” Marco whispered. “You don’t know where he is. You just—”

“Quiet!” Tom leaned against a wall next to the back room. “I can’t feel him with you talking.” He felt it pulsing behind him. “He’s right behind the wall,” Tom mouthed. He felt it move. “He’s coming around.” Tom crawled along the base of the wall, following the ripples until he reached the end of it. He crouched low, concentrating on what he felt.

*****

Gabriella dropped in front of Tom, intending to morph into a human in order to block any shots fired. Her breastplate might not block the bullet, but Tom needed to live. She pulled her sword.

“You can’t, Gabby,” said Allison. “The peace accords won’t let us attack a mornacht that’s breathing into a hardened human.”

“I’m making myself a target. If it attacks me, then I can kill it. So say High King Salla’s peace accords.” She spat the words High King Salla out of her mouth like stale honeywine.

The gunman stepped into the room. Tom tackled and disarmed him and pinned the man to the floor.

The mornacht rider that had whispered in the gunman’s ear drew its sword and snarled at Gabriella. “I’ll have him hardened by daybreak after I free him of you,” it hissed, and it jumped at her.

Barner, Allison, and half the other cherubian guards in the restaurant converged on the mornacht. It had violated a peace accord, and all of them wanted a chance to enact their frustration on it. It fell before reaching Gabriella.

“Brace yourselves for the one inside!” yelled Barner.

The cherubians aimed their weapons at the gunman, waiting for the mornacht inside him to bolt out in fury.

Gabriella stared in the gunman’s eyes. “It won’t come out. Self-preserving little… All the humans in here who aren’t dead are too soft. It’ll wait until he’s in a jail cell with other hardened humans—or humans who are about to harden.”

“That’s why we should kill it now,” said Barner.

“We can’t!” said Gabriella. “It will shut down the human’s nervous system if we force it out!”

“I don’t care,” said Barner, pulling his sword. “He shot my Jake.”

Gabriella grabbed Barner’s wrist. “Let Tommy deal with it.”

*****

The gunman growled at Tom, baring his teeth. He wrenched out of Tom’s grip with more strength than Tom had ever felt from anyone and raced out of the building. Tom followed, tackling him on the sidewalk in front of Celestial Beans. In two moves, Tom forced the man on the ground, twisting his elbow and pinning it behind his back. Larsen jumped beside Tom and helped hold the gunman down. Two police officers joined them.

The gunman stopped struggling and turned his bloodshot eyes in Tom’s direction. “So, you know,” he hissed.

“Know what?” asked Tom.

“Why didn’t you come inside earlier? Were you afraid of us?”

Tom could feel it—pulsing, writhing, and it was talking to him. He shoved the gunman’s face to the ground. “I didn’t like your smell.”

The gunman laughed. “Hurt the human some more—he won’t remember. But I will. I will; I will; I will,” the gunman sang. “I’ll remember you, little soldier.”

The hairs on the back of Tom’s neck stood straight. He tried to conceal his fear with a snarl, putting his face close to the gunman’s. “That’s midshipman.”

The gunman’s eyes twinkled, and he laughed. Tom winced. His breath smelled rotten.

“I feel your fear,” continued the gunman. “So you do know us. You can feel us.” Each time he said “us,” he sounded like a snake. “We’ll be watching you, little soldier. Watching, watching, watching….”

Larsen’s fist collided with the vagabond’s temple.

“It’s okay!” said Tom. He pushed Larsen back, and held the firstie tight while Larsen shouted insults at the vagrant.

The man laughed and continued singing until the cops dragged him into a waiting police car.

“Do you know this guy?” asked one of the officers.

Tom shook his head. “Never seen him before in my life.”

“Figures. Probably some nutcase high on something.” He pushed the gunman, who continued singing, into the patrol car. “You two don’t wander off. I’ll need your statements.”

“I’ve got a shot friend in there,” said Tom, pointing inside.

Larsen ran back into the building. Tom turned to follow when someone grabbed his shoulder.

“Can you really feel them?” asked Matt. His hands trembled.

“Them?”

“Can you feel them? Do you get a sense of dread—of evil, when they’re around? Is that what your friend was talking about?”

“What do you mean them?”

Matt pushed a card into Tom’s hand. “You’ve got to call me.”

…to be continued in The Elysian Chronicles: Out of the Shadows.

Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Posted in Books & Works by M. B. Weston, The Elysian Chronicles | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Saturday NecronomiCon Panel/Signing Schedule–St. Petersburg, FL

This weekend, I am speaking on panels and signing books at NecronomiCon at the Hilton Bayfront in St. Petersburg, FL.

My Panel Schedule for today is as follows:

DAY TIME ROOM EVENT NAME
Saturday 9:00:00 AM ST PETE 2 Getting Started: Writing Believable Dialog
Saturday 12:00:00 PM ST PETE 1 Writing Steampunk
Saturday 2:00:00 PM DEMENS Getting Started: Writing YA

Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Posted in Appearances & Signings, News & Events | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Friday NecronomiCon Panel/Signing Schedule–St. Petersburg, FL

This weekend, I am speaking on panels and signing books at NecronomiCon at the Hilton Bayfront in St. Petersburg, FL.

PLEASE NOTE: We had a little problem with the book shipments for this weekend. (And this has nothing to do with the US Postal Service destroying $200 worth of my books, which happened after DragonCon.) As a result, I only have 7 copies of A Prophecy Forgotten with me. I will give them out on a first come, first serve basis. (I can, however, be bribed to hold one for you with Starbucks, beignets, Krispy Kreme donuts, dark chocolate, and your credit card number. Unfortunately, beignets are hard to find in St. Pete. Seriously, if you live in St. Pete and know where I can get authentic beignets, I will be your best friend for life.)

***ANOTHER THING TO NOTE***: I have not yet announced this yet, but A Prophecy Forgotten has been acquired by Kerlak Publishing as of tomorrow. It will be out of print for the next few weeks until the new edition is released. These are the last copies of this current edition that will be available–ever. Well, except used on Amazon.

Also be sure to check out yesterday’s blog post, which I posted too late last night to be of use to anyone, and today’s post as well. Both are about creating suspension of disbelief in your readers by controlling your make-believe elements:

My Panel Schedule for the weekend is as follows:

DAY TIME ROOM EVENT NAME
Saturday 9:00:00 AM ST PETE 2 Getting Started: Writing Believable Dialog
Saturday 12:00:00 PM ST PETE 1 Writing Steampunk
Saturday 2:00:00 PM DEMENS Getting Started: Writing YA

I am panel-free today, but you can catch me at my author table!

Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Posted in Appearances & Signings, News & Events | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Writing: Use Realistic Numbers, Sizes, and Time Limits

Both mainstream and speculative writers need to make sure they do their research on numbers, spaces, sizes, and time limits. If your readers don’t trust your numbers, they won’t trust you, nor will they suspend their disbelief for you again. 

Writing the first draft of epic battles is so much fun! You can use generalities and throw random numbers, like 100,000 soldiers, into your story—as though soldiers were as common as flies. The problem comes when someone—usually one of your advance readers—asks you a few questions, such as: “How big is the field in front of the city if you want to fit 100,000 mornachts on it?”

Sigh.

Yep, that happened to me. Someone actually had the gall to ask me if all those mornachts could fit on the field. How dare they?

After stewing about it for a while, I decided to find out just how many mornachts could fit in my field. I stooped down in a semi-crouching position the way my mornachts would have stood. I grabbed a tape measure, measured the space, and figured out that 100,000 mornachts could not fit in the field in front of the City of Ezzer. I changed it to 50,000.

I had the same problem with bombs. If a bomb explodes, is it really going to kill 100 mornachts? I had to decide on the blast radius of my bombs and then do a little πr2 to calculate the area of said blast so I could figure out how many mornachts would buy the farm upon explosion. Yes, it’s my story, and I technically can do anything I want to in it. But I also want to be taken seriously as an author.

Here are a few tips to follow to make sure your numbers, sizes, and time limits are correct.

  • Use advance readers—especially those who have some kind of experience with what you are writing about. Trust me, they catch everything!
  • Do research on your sizes: I wanted the trees in my other dimension to be huge. I made them 1000 feet tall. My advance readers couldn’t handle it and kept telling me the trees were too big. Instead of pointing out that Elysia is in a different dimension and could have any size trees I deem necessary, I researched trees. The tallest trees on earth reach 500 feet. Guess how tall my Elysian trees are? Yep. 500 feet. Take that, advance readers!
  • You may need to act out the process your hero has to go through to determine appropriate time limits. If your hero has five minutes to flip a switch at the Empire State Building before reaching the Statue of Liberty (without using make-believe powers or futuristic technology), you have a problem. Even if traffic in New York City is non-existent, you have a problem. Don’t argue with reality. Fix the problem. If you can’t visit New York City to test your theory, calculate the distances and stage your hero’s challenge in your own city.
  • Use generalities if you aren’t sure. Yes, this is cheating. And it’s totally worth it, trust me. If you can’t figure out how many mornachts are sitting outside of your city, tell the reader: “Davian replaced his helmet and stared at the army through his spyglass. Mornachts, wolves, and sabers filled the southern fields.” Your reader isn’t going to worry about the numbers unless you bring it to his or her mind. I often default to generalities because I don’t want to answer obnoxious questions from people who think they are experts. (I mean, seriously people, none of you have ever fought a mornacht, so I don’t want to hear it. But I don’t want to argue with you either, so just imagine that mornachts fill the plain, and let’s get ready to rumble, which is the important part of the story, isn’t it?)

What to take from this: Numbers, sizes, and time limits matter. Make sure they feel real. This applies to both mainstream and speculative writers.

If you are new to this blog, for the past few weeks, I’ve been writing a series of posts about writing speculative fiction, including fantasy, science fiction, steampunk, comic books, paranormal, and horror. (For the full list, click here or on the category called “Making Make-Believe Believable.”) This week, we are taking a closer look at the third and most important rule for making readers suspend their disbelief and buy into our story’s make-believe elements: Rule #3—Govern Your Make Believe Elements. We have already discussed these techniques:

Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Posted in The World of Writing, Writing Believable Make-Believe | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Writing: Keeping Character Confrontation Results Realistic

If you don’t prove your character deserves to win, no amount of writing technique is going to get your readers to suspend disbelief and buy into your story.

Picture a baseball field. Imagine that Roger Clemons has taken the mound. In the batter’s box is… a three-year-old boy. Clemons throws a slider. The three-year-old swings and hits the ball out of the park.

Did you believe that story? Yeah, neither did I.

I could have added all the sensory details you wanted into that little story. I could have told you about the smell of the peanuts and cracker jacks and the breeze. I could have talked about the hot sun and the hush that fell over the crowd. I could have given you the radar speed on the ball to make it sound more realistic. But no matter what tool of creating suspension of disbelief I used, no one in this world is going to believe that a three-year-old can hit a home run off a Roger Clemons’ slider.

If you want to govern your make-believe elements, you need to tread carefully with the results of confrontations. If the climax is as believable as the above situation, your readers will feel cheated.

We authors must attempt an epic balancing act here. In order for our climax to reach our audience on an emotional level, we must make the reader doubt the hero can pull it off while at the same time presenting the reader with a thin sliver of hope that the hero might actually win. If the audience believes there is no way the hero can win, we lose them. If the audience thinks the hero has the win in the bag, they will get bored. (And readers rarely realize how much work we authors put into our stories…)

Here are a few things to keep in mind when you are staging confrontations between characters, creatures, and machinery (think of Terminator).

If two characters of different skill levels are involved in a confrontation, make sure to give the weaker character a separate skill that can help him win.

  • Take Thor vs. Loki in both Thor and The Avengers. Thor’s strength and hammer make him a foe Loki cannot beat. However, Loki is cunning, he is not afraid to hurt others, and he can trick his enemies with holograms of himself. (It’s probably the wrong word, but you know what I mean.) Without these skills, a Loki/Thor duel would be as about as exciting as Mike Tyson vs. Me in a boxing ring.
  • Harry Potter was able to defeat Voldemort in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone partially because of his mother’s blood in his skin.
  • Bilbo Baggins possessed a ring that made him invisible.
  • James Bond gets to use toys made by Q.

Here are a few skills (besides the usual fighting techniques and technology) you can give your characters that will help them beat a stronger adversary:

  • Intelligence: Your weaker character might be able to conceive a better strategy. The same goes for armies. In my second novel, Out of the Shadows, my hero Davian must take over a city with a tiny army. They are highly trained special operatives, but their lack of numbers is a huge limitation. Davian must try to win the battle by out-strategizing his opponent.
  • Sheer will: The character who refuses to give in has a definite advantage. Think of Rocky Balboa…
  • Courage: The bravery to do something that seems impossible or dangerous will be a definite advantage.
  • Magic Powers: Your character may have a psychic power or the ability to read minds. Whatever the power, it gives your character an advantage.
  • Knowledge: A wizard who knows more spells has an advantage over a more powerful wizard. Often times, Captain Kirk won battles on Star Trek because of his knowledge of the Enterprise’s inner workings.
  • Loyalty of Friends: A character with a tight group of friends standing behind him has an advantage.
  • Personality: Never underestimate the power of charisma, kindness, and leadership. In The Hobbit, the eagles carry Gandalf, Thorin, and Company away from danger because Gandalf saved the life of their leader. The wizard’s kind deeds in the past were what saved him.
  • Development of a characteristic or skill: For example: your female character started out shy. Throughout the story, she learned to stand up for herself. During the climax, she stood up to the popular girl, and she helped the rest of the kids at school realize that peer pressure was stupid. She learned to overcome her weaknesses and do something she was never able to do before. NOTE: Whatever you do, please don’t make the mistake of not giving your character enough time to develop a skill set before putting him or her into a confrontation. Someone who never played football before isn’t going to make the NFL team with only three football lessons—even if Peyton Manning is the teacher.

If your character possesses a skill that will help him win, make sure you show it to the reader before your epic confrontation. In my first book, A Prophecy Forgotten, you will notice that I show Davian’s knife-throwing skills at least twice:

  • Once during an early battle: “Davian and Marcus flew to help handle the remaining mornachts and found the last one jumping between a few boulders as Eric, Josephi, and Snead shot at it but kept missing. Davian huffed with impatience, pulled out his knife, and settled the matter with a flick of his wrist.”
  • Once later on: “After another rustle, Davian whipped around and threw his knife at a form that crouched near a boulder about ten yards away. The knife hit the intruder’s chest with a ‘clang’.”
  • Another with dialogue: “[Davian] turned to Josephi and whispered, “Never could get used to [sunstars], but don’t tell the captain I told you that.” “That doesn’t make sense, sir. You’re pretty good with a knife,” said Josephi with a look at the newest scratch in his breastplate.

I also make sure to show the audience Davian’s skill in battle a few times. I do the same with the heroine, Gabriella. Her shot with a bow is unrivaled. I need to show her skills before the epic battle scenes.

This also applies to romance climaxes. If your geek girl gets the captain of the football team to fall in love with her or your average Joe gets the model to choose him over the millionaire playboy, you had better provide your audience with a good reason why, and show evidence of it before the climax.

What to take from this: Back to our Roger Clemons vs. the three-year-old story. What if I told you that the child’s name was Clark Kent? That would totally change the believability of the ending, wouldn’t it? You can write stories where the underdog wins. You just have to prove it can happen.

Mainstream Writers: You can make the same mistakes with mainstream conflicts. Prove that your characters deserve to win.

Speculative Writers: Your work is cut out for you, both in showing the reader your make-believe elements and toys, and then convincing your reader that your hero or heroine deserves the victory. Don’t get lazy. Show it. Prove it. Your readers will love you for it!

If you are new to this blog, for the past few weeks, I’ve been writing a series of posts about writing speculative fiction, including fantasy, science fiction, steampunk, comic books, paranormal, and horror. (For the full list, click here or on the category called “Making Make-Believe Believable.”) This week, we are taking a closer look at the third and most important rule for making readers suspend their disbelief and buy into our story’s make-believe elements: Rule #3—Govern Your Make Believe Elements. We have already discussed these techniques:

Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Posted in Character Development, The World of Writing, Writing Believable Make-Believe | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Writing: Why the Laws of Thermodynamics Are Important to Your Story

Even writers of epic fantasy stories need to be grounded in a good understanding of the effects of the three laws of thermodynamics.

In Back to the Future 3, Marty McFly finds himself trapped in the Wild West during the year 1885. His DeLorean time machine has run out of gas, which is a very big problem. Without power, Marty can’t get the car to run at 88 miles per hour—the speed necessary for time travel. The rest of the movie’s plot centers on the quest to find something with enough power to make the DeLorean reach 88 miles per hour. Energy is a key part of this movie, and it should be a key part of the make-believe elements you create.

Power, aka energy, runs the universe. Understanding how energy works is necessary if you want to govern your make-believe elements. When writing speculative fiction keep the Laws of Thermodynamics in mind. (Keep reading. I promise this won’t become a science lecture.) While doing a bit of research, I found a site that explains the laws of thermodynamics in simple way for those of us who aren’t scientists:physlink.com (http://www.physlink.com/education/askexperts/ae280.cfm) (NOTE: Steampunk authors, you need to read this, as it discusses the industrial revolution.)

For the purposes of writing speculative fiction, this website gives us the definition of the laws of thermodynamics into something those of us who don’t speak physics can understand:

**The British scientist and author C.P. Snow had an excellent way of remembering the three laws:

  1. You cannot win (that is, you cannot get something for nothing, because matter and energy are conserved).
  2. You cannot break even (you cannot return to the same energy state, because there is always an increase in disorder; entropy always increases).
  3. You cannot get out of the game (because absolute zero is unattainable).***

My dad, an engineer and a businessman, would often say, “The laws of thermodynamics basically tell us that there is no such thing as a free lunch.” In a nutshell, this is what authors need to remember:

  • The First Law of Thermodynamics: There is no such thing as a free lunch.
  • The Second Law of Thermodynamics: Entropy, waste, and decay happen—unless you add energy. (Think of it like your bedroom. Unless you add some energy to that bedroom in the form of cleaning it up, it’s going to look like a pigsty within a few days.)
  • The Third Law of Thermodynamics: You have to play the game.

How does this apply to speculative fiction and governing your make believe elements? Here are a few things to think about:

Even your magic and science-fiction toys have boundaries: These thermodynamic laws were discovered because corporations wanted to create perpetual-motion machines. Scientists discovered it was impossible—machines have boundaries. How might this look?

  • Science fiction writers: No perpetual-motion machines. He he he. On a serious note, remember that somewhere in that spaceship you’ve created is a Scottish man yelling through the radio that the ship can’t go any faster because it doesn’t have the power. Your ship can’t outrun everything.
  • Fantasy writers: Even JK Rowling used the laws of thermodynamics with her fundamental laws of magic. For instance, in the Potterverse, you can’t create food. (Hermione explains it as “Gamp’s Law of Elemental Transfiguration.” You can’t just create matter without explaining how you do it to the audience, or at least without implying that the reason exists. If JK Rowling has to create fundamental laws of magic, you do too. The same concept goes for your mythological creatures: a dragon can’t just create fire. That energy needs to come from somewhere. In my Elysian Chronicles series, my unicorns’ horns can harness the sun’s energy for use in emergencies. Guess what. The energy runs out if they use too much of it, and they have to spend some time in the sunlight to “replenish their horns.”
  • Comic Book Writers: You can pretty much do anything you want as long as the girl in the story is sexy. Just kidding. Seriously, even Superman has kryptonite, Batman’s toys use energy, and Iron Man needs something with lots of power in his chest. (But you still need a sexy heroine, which is stated in the equation that proves the Fourth Law of Comic Dynamics: Man in Spandex + Sexy Heroine > science.)

Some form of energy must power your world, your toys, and your characters:

  • Science Fiction Technology: Your DeLorean’s flux capacitor can run on Mr. Fusion, but it will always be powered by gasoline. (And you really need to watch the Back to the Future trilogy if you haven’t.) In other words, you can make yourself a time machine as long as you create something to power it. Even light sabers need power. Don’t worry about describing how all of your machines work. The audience doesn’t care. They do care if something in your world doesn’t make sense when it comes to energy.
  • Decay: We’ve discussed decay in an earlier post (click here). Make sure to remember that your machines and other items break down over time.
  • Magic: Magic takes effort. Even Gandalf needs time to work. In The Hobbit, when they dwarves and Bilbo are taken captive by the goblins, JRR Tolkien tells us that, “…[Gandalf] sat down and worked up the best magic he could in the shadows. ‘A very ticklish business, it was,’ [Gandalf] said. ‘Touch and go!’” Gandalf also shows exhaustion after his fight with the balrog in The Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring.
  • Characters: You characters need energy. They get tired and hungry. While I’m not suggesting that you make sure to inform your reader every time your character stops to eat or sleep, you do need to make sure to show fatigue.
  • Creatures: Creatures need energy too. Their powers come from somewhere.

Other Dimensions/The Paranormal: This is where you can play around a bit with energy and energy transfer.

  • Changing dimensions: Dimensional transfers might take energy. Figure out how that would work. (Yes, this means you get to “just make stuff up.” Just make sure it makes sense.) Changing dimensions might make your characters exhausted. It might not. In the Elysian Chronicles, characters transcending dimensions is possible. I don’t go into the science much in the first two books, but I leave a very important hint about what the energy transfer during morphing might do to, say, metal from the dimension of Heaven’s Realm when it enters Earth’s dimension. (This is the key to Book III by the way.) Paranormal beings might also need energy to materialize.
  • Other dimensions: You are free to do whatever you like in other dimensions that you may have created. Just remember that your audience will only buy into so much make-believe before they stop suspending disbelief.

Don’t info dump! Note that in The Hobbit, Tolkien doesn’t tell us how Gandalf creates his magic. He tells us that the magic took a bit of effort and leaves it at that. The same with Back to the Future’s time machine. They don’t give the audience a bunch of equations about how the flux capacitor works. It makes time travel possible, it’s cool looking, and that’s all the audience needs to know. They want to know that you put a bit of effort into your creations, but they don’t want to hear you describe it. (Just like a husband/wife relationship. “What’s for dinner, honey?” is not license to describe the ingredients.)

Use these concepts to create conflict in your stories: Your hero becoming tired during battle creates tension. The fear of a spaceship without power floating through space will keep your reader turning pages. Embrace the laws of thermodynamics! Use them to your advantage by keeping your reader on the edge of his seat!

What to take from this: Magic and science fiction toys need energy. Use this need to add conflict and tension to your books.

Mainstream Writers: Your hero is not Superman—otherwise you would be writing fantasy. He needs to get tired. Your heroine does too.

Speculative Writers: Make sure you do your research and brainstorming during your world creation sessions. It might annoy you that your readers won’t ever see all the work you put into it. Don’t worry, you can add it into the appendix or put it on the website later.

If you are new to this blog, for the past few weeks, I’ve been writing a series of posts about writing speculative fiction, including fantasy, science fiction, steampunk, comic books, paranormal, and horror. (For the full list, click here or on the category called “Making Make-Believe Believable.”) This week, we are taking a closer look at the third and most important rule for making readers suspend their disbelief and buy into our story’s make-believe elements: Rule #3—Govern Your Make Believe Elements. We have already discussed these techniques:

Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Posted in The World of Writing, Writing Believable Make-Believe | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Writing: How to Govern Your Make-Believe Elements

Even if you are writing speculative fiction that defies the laws of physics, you must give yourself boundaries. Otherwise, you will destroy your story.

When I was growing up, I had a few favorite movies that I watched over and over again: Star Wars (original trilogy), The Dark Crystal, The Last Unicorn, Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Ghost Busters, The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings: Return of the King cartoon movies, and Superman II.

Would you like to know the reason I didn’t watch Superman I much?

Because when Lois Lane dies in the earthquake, Superman flies around the earth so fast that he gets the earth to 1) stop spinning, 2) reverse its rotation completely, and 3) this somehow reverses time.

Seriously? Even as a seven-year-old, this made no sense. In my little-kid brain, I could accept light sabers, puppets, and cartoon hobbits, but I just didn’t get how the earth spinning in a different direction affected time. Now, that I’m an adult, I have even more issues with the movie. For instance, why aren’t there more tidal waves and earthquakes as a result of the earth stopping its rotation?

Superman I lost my suspension of disbelief because its makers broke the third and most important rule for speculative fiction writing:

Rule #3: Govern Your Make-Believe Elements.

Forgetting to surround your make-believe elements with believable ones (Rule #1) and failing to make your make-believe elements feel real (Rule #2) can hurt how well your story impacts readers. Ignoring those two rules might also lose a few readers’ suspensions of disbelief, but it won’t necessarily kill your story.

Failing to govern your make-believe elements will destroy your story no matter how great your characters and plot. I’ll be discussing ways you can govern your make believe elements over the next few weeks. Today we are going to focus on the most important technique: keeping within the bounds of physics.

This technique is difficult because the very act of writing speculative fiction involves breaking scientific laws. This is why speculative fiction is so difficult to write! We must somehow break the laws of physics in such a way that our audience doesn’t feel like we are breaking them.

Here are a few things to keep in mind that will help you govern your make-believe elements while breaking physics/science rules:

Always have a reason your characters can break the laws of physics. Even comic book heroes have reasons they can do what they do. Captain America was injected with serum that gave him his strength. Thor is an alien. Iron Man has money and brains to create whatever he wants. Here are a few good reasons you can use to break a few rules that your audience will accept:

  • It’s the future! Setting your science fiction story in the future (or in an alternate history or steampunk setting) gives you a lot of leeway—especially because some conventions are just accepted and require no explanation. You don’t need to explain how flying cars work or light speed works because most people accept that the future will have flying cars and spaceships that fly fast. However, you must make sure to give your audience a reason you are breaking some of the more obvious laws of physics. You might need to give your readers a reason you can beam your characters from a spaceship to a planet. A real quick sentence in the middle of dialogue might be all it takes.
  • It’s magic! Magic gives you much more freedom to break scientific laws than science fiction. However, it still has boundaries, but we’ll discuss those in a separate post.
  • This character is smarter and more skilled than you. Tony Stark can create almost anything he wants to create and the audience will suspend disbelief and accept it as real. Why? Tony Stark is brilliant. All he has to do is throw out a few big scientific words when he speaks and write a complex formula on a white board, and we all nod our heads going, “Yeah, that makes sense.” The same thing occurs with Albus Dumbledore and Gandalf. They are smarter than us, and therefore we accept what magic they can create as being real.

Your characters can only break the laws of physics you have given them the skills or equipment to break. This means that Superman never should have been allowed to reverse time in Superman I. Superman is strong. He can fly fast. He doesn’t have power over the laws of physics, however. Anakin Skywalker can move things without touching them because he is a Jedi and has earned that skill. He cannot, however, prevent the people he loves from dying, which is why he turned to the Dark Side of the Force. I physically cannot break the sound barrier. I lack the skills and the equipment. Others, however, have broken the sound barrier because they were given the skills and the equipment.

Keep physics in mind when your characters are doing make-believe things. The characters in my Elysian Chronicles series have wings and can fly. However, I can’t have them fly at 30,000 feet. They would suffocate. I also need to keep in mind that the higher they fly, the faster they need to fly in order to maintain altitude. I throw these concepts into dialogue on occasion so the reader knows I’ve researched it.

What to take from this: Make sure you have a reason for the laws of physics your characters are breaking. You can let the reader know these reasons through dialogue or narrative.

Mainstream Writers: Remember the laws of physics when it comes to stunts. Please don’t let your story end up on Mythbusters.

Speculative Writers: You are writing a story that specifically breaks the laws of physics. Make sure you only allow your characters to break the laws of physics that you have given them the skills and equipment to break.

If you are new to this blog, I’ve been writing a series of posts about writing speculative fiction, including fantasy, science fiction, steampunk, comic books, paranormal, and horror. For the full list, click here or on the category called “Making Make-Believe Believable.” Thanks for stopping by!

Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Posted in The World of Writing, Writing Believable Make-Believe | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Sample Sunday: Out of the Shadows–Chapter 5

My second novel, The Elysian Chronicles: Out of the Shadows, took much more work than A Prophecy Forgotten. Out of the Shadows is the complex, middle-of-a-trilogy book with several characters experiencing the peak of their development. I created character charts showing where I needed the characters to be at the beginning, middle, and end of the story developmentally, and I struggled to make sure I could show the development of each one. Chapter 5 is the chapter I used to really show where three characters: Maurice, Marcus, and Davian stood after my villain/dictator took over.

Elysian Chronicles readers will want to note that many of the chapter titles in Out of the Shadows are ripe with symbolism. I call this chapter “Flickering Candles” for two reasons. First, I wanted to allude to Zephor’s comment to Sephus in A Prophecy Forgotten:

Zephor finally pulled the lad aside and told him, “Don’t lose the fire, soldier. The fire is your most important weapon. It might dwindle every now and then, but make sure you never let it get snuffed out. Soon after that, Sephus turned into the best Hawk Master Elysia had ever seen. Zephor shook his head; his own fire had almost dwindled to the point of no recovery.

Second, I wanted to show that each character’s faith and hope had hit rock bottom.

If this is your first introduction to Out of the Shadows, you might want to read the sample chapters on the website first (click here).

The Elysian Chronicles: Out of the Shadows
Chapter 5: Flickering Candles

Maurice carried a tray full of honeywine mugs on his shoulder to a large, round table of LAF soldiers. None of the soldiers or civilians in his tavern smiled; neither did Maurice. He lowered the heavy tray to the table with a groan. “Here ya go, my fine soldiers,” he said once he stood up. RSOs would’ve helped me instead of just perching there, he thought, wishing they still existed. High King Salla eliminated the RSO division only two years after taking power and replaced them with his own personal soldiers, the dreaded Black Guard.

The door flew open, and five of Salla’s Black Guard entered. Maurice shuddered. Their helmets had long cheek-plates extending below the jaw line and wide nose-guards that revealed only their eyes and mouths. Their black chainmail kilts matched their black breastplates, and spikes covered their black forearm, hand, and shin guards. Even their weapons were black.

The tavern grew so quiet that Maurice heard the soldiers’ armor clink and their boots thud when they walked to the bar. Civilians and LAFs alike shrank out of their way. Maurice flew to them and forced a smile. “Would you like a table or a booth tonight, Seraph Picante?”

Picante brushed Maurice aside, and the spikes on his arm guard scratched Maurice’s skin. Maurice flinched.

Picante faced the tavern and said, “My soldiers and I are looking for Quantus. Has anyone seen him?”

No one answered. Picante nodded, and the other four soldiers flew through the tavern, pulling off hats and helmets, searching each face.

Picante leaned close to Maurice—so close Maurice smelled the stale honeywine in his breath. “Is he here, Maurice?”

“I wouldn’t know, Seraph.”

“You see everyone who enters, Maurice. Don’t make me arrest you for treason.”

“Course he was here, Seraph. But he came a long while ago, and I don’t keep track of those who leave. He’s probably long gone.” Maurice kept his glance to the right, hoping Picante and his soldiers would ignore the left corner of the tavern where Quantus hid.

“Found him, Seraph!” yelled one of the soldiers.

Picante narrowed his eyes at Maurice, and the soldier dragged Quantus, a middle-aged civilian dressed in a dirty, brown robe, out from under a table by his hair and forced him to his feet. Quantus struggled until Picante held a knife to his throat and pulled a bloodstained pearl necklace out of his pocket. He dangled the necklace near Quantus’s eyes.

Quantus’s shoulders fell. “No,” he whispered.

Picante sneered and let the necklace slide through his fingers. “Your wife won’t be needing these anymore.” The necklace fell at Quantus’s feet. “My condolences.”

Quantus’s lips trembled, and he would have fallen to his knees if the guards holding him had allowed it.

“Quite a waste,” continued Picante. “She was a pretty thing.”

No!” roared Quantus. His howl echoed across the Treetop. He struggled to escape. “She knew nothing! Nothing!

Picante backhanded him, slashing his face with his spiked hand guard. “You should have thought about her before you conspired against High King Salla.” The guards chained Quantus’s hands and feet. “By order of the magistrate, you are hereby under arrest on charges of treason. Take him away.”

“The Runes say Salla will be defeated!” said Quantus as two guards dragged him out the door. “‘Out of the shadows of the north will come a ruler of the caliber of Ezzer, who will—” Quantus hollered again when another soldier struck him.

“Godspeed and safe journey, my friend,” whispered Maurice.

Salla’s ten year reign and the terror he brought with it had convinced Maurice the Runes were only old wives tales. He pitied Quantus for risking his life for their prophecies. “Poppycock, that’s what they are,” he muttered. “The only soldier of Ezzer’s caliber was killed ten years ago.” He flew behind the bar and filled a few orders for honeywine.

Picante landed in front of the bar. “Traitors seem to frequent your tavern, Maurice.”

Maurice poured Picante a mug of honeywine. “I’m the only tavern left in the City of Ezzer. Where else are they going to go?”

“I notice you don’t report them.”

Maurice set the mug down in front of Picante. “Because I don’t hear anything. Think about it, Picante. No one’s going to talk about anything in here—especially not with you Black Guard visiting all the time. And they certainly don’t talk to me because they know I’d immediately report it.” That was why Maurice allowed them to meet in his honeywine cellar. Used to allow them, thought Maurice. Only ex-RSO Captain Michael, called Copper for his red hair, was left. Copper had disappeared after Maurice warned him of Picante’s plan to arrest him. No one had heard from Copper in over three years.

Picante sipped his honeywine and motioned to two remaining guards, who flew into Maurice’s honeywine cellar. Each emerged carrying a honeywine barrel on his shoulder.

Maurice’s face turned hot. “I’ve already given his majesty this month’s tribute!”

“Those aren’t tribute for his majesty,” said Picante. “They’re tribute for me, in return for not reporting you for harboring traitors.” Picante picked the pearl necklace off the floor. “This will fetch quite a few drekels, I’m sure.” He pocketed it and flew out.

Maurice tried to hide his anger as he watched Picante leave. He worried for Quantus. Picante and the Black Guard would drag him to their tower and use their own methods to force names of other traitors. After they finished with him, and if the magistrate was feeling merciful, he might only sentence Quantus to life in the quarries. Unfortunately, the quarries were already full, and Maurice doubted the magistrate’s qualities included mercy.

*****

To Elysia’s northwest corner lay the white cliffs of the Ashen Desert, towering above Elysia’s quarries where cherubians mined quartz, their most precious commodity. The air tasted like chalk and smelled like sweat. The quarries never saw rain; not even a weed broke through the cracked, white ground. LAFs stood guard on the wall with their bows in hand, arrows cocked, keeping watch on the prisoners working below. The soldiers covered their faces with bandannas to protect their lungs from the powdery, white dust floating through the air. The prisoners enjoyed no such luxury. They toiled in blinding sun and suffocating dust. Their mallets and pickaxes clanged; their chains clinked. The prisoners themselves made no sound.

One prisoner towered above the others. He pried a fifteen-foot piece of quartz out of the cliff wall with a crowbar and let out a deep, strained grunt. His muscles bulged, and milky drops of sweat and dust ran down his face. The stone creaked and groaned until it gave way and crashed to the ground. The massive prisoner grabbed his mallet and limped to the rock. He noticed two soldiers walking toward him. One, the quarries’ short warden, wore an LAF uniform but lacked the LAF figure. He waddled as he walked, his stubby legs struggling to support his belly, which hung almost to his thighs. The other soldier wore the armor of the Black Guard.

“You don’t usually bring in new prisoners, Seraph,” said the warden.

“The prisoners from our latest arrests are especially dangerous. I wanted to make sure nothing went wrong during the transfer. Be careful when you process them in.” He pointed to the large prisoner. “How much does he have left?”

The warden grinned. “He’ll make his quota with that. Want to back out of your wager?”

The seraph shielded his eyes from the sun and grasped his whip. “He won’t make his quota.”

The prisoner turned to him. “You of all people should know I always make my quota, Picante.” He grabbed his pickaxe and chiseled the huge block of quartz.

Picante laughed and hopped on a rock above the prisoner. “It’s a shame to see an RSO like you chained to the ground, Marcus, hewing quartz for the halls of High King Salla.”

At the sound of Salla’s name, Marcus’s axe hit the stone a tad harder. He said nothing, and Picante sent his whip into Marcus’s back. Marcus ignored the sting. He had felt whips before.

Picante beckoned to the warden. “How much time will it take him?”

“Him?” The warden flew around the stone Marcus was hewing. “He’ll have this broken in ten minutes.” He patted a sack that hung from his belt and clinked each time his hand hit it. Again, he grinned at Picante. “You’ll be out your wager.”

Picante scowled and sent a whip into Marcus’s back again.

Marcus snorted and continued hewing.

“The whip doesn’t work on this one, sir,” said the warden. “We have to use alternate methods to control him.” He nodded at Theo and Tyce, who worked together on another block of quartz fifteen yards away.

Picante chuckled. “I should have known. RSOs never change.” He flew next Theo and sent the whip into his back. Theo yelled, and Picante whipped him again.

“Leave him alone!” yelled Tyce. He jumped at Picante, but three guards grabbed him and pulled him to the ground. Picante turned his whip on Tyce.

Marcus’s pickaxe shook. He closed his eyes and hurled it into the rock. In five minutes, Picante lost his wager.

*****

The sun set behind the mountains, and the whistle blew. The prisoners laid down their tools and trudged to the massive bronze door built into the cliff. The door groaned open, leading to the dungeon that housed them. Marcus, Tyce, and Theo entered last. Marcus checked each rock and cranny to make sure all prisoners made it inside before the doors shut. The wolves that roamed the Ashen Desert found exhausted, chained prisoners left outside easy game.

Marcus limped through the doors and down the long hallway carved into the limestone. Prisoners faded to the left and right into tunnels of darkness that housed minimum security prisoners serving mild sentences of ten to fifteen years. Marcus trudged passed two guards and ducked under a metal doorway into another corridor—the hall for prisoners with life sentences. There, soldiers stood guard every ten feet and let their whips fall at random. Before Salla, these halls housed a few of Elysia’s most hardened criminals. Now the halls housed not hardened prisoners, but soldiers, mostly RSOs, whose only crimes were loyalty to what they called Old Elysia. Salla’s soldiers crammed these prisoners into small cells—ten to a cell sometimes—and tried their best to keep them miserable. Clangs of iron-barred doors echoed down the hall as soldiers shut the prisoners in their cells for the night.

Marcus glared down at the guards, who gave him and Tyce wary glances. Scared, Marcus thought. Not that he blamed them. He and Tyce could crush any of them with only a few blows. He eyed the line of soldiers watching the hall. He and Tyce could take out four or five, but not fifty.

Marcus, Theo, and Tyce entered their cell, and the guards shut the door with a clang. Tyce leaned up against the bars and grinned. “Tell Picante we’re sorry he lost his wager, Garen.”

Theo joined Tyce against the bars and added, “Incredibly sorry.”

Garen pulled a knife out of his belt. “Don’t make me use this.”

“Wow! Is that what they issue you LAFs now?” said Tyce. “Looks brand new.”

“Like it’s never been used,” added Theo.

Marcus grunted, looking for a comfortable spot in the corner of the limestone cell. He groaned and sat down. “If any of them touch me because of you runts, I’ll break every bone in your bodies that won’t kill you.”

Theo and Tyce pulled away from the bars.

“That’s our signal,” said Theo. “Nice talking with you, ladies.”

“And if you need some help learning how to use that knife,” added Tyce, “don’t hesitate to—Seraph Picante, how nice to see you. Isn’t it nice to see the seraph again today, Theo?”

“It’s grand. What do you think, Major?”

Marcus grunted. “Picante already knows what I think of him.”

Picante leaned against the cell bars and stared at Theo and Tyce through the visor of his helmet. “I would love to replace your cell mates for you, Marcus.”

“They’re tree-sprites, Picante. Pay them no mind.”

Picante crossed his arms and glared at Marcus.

Marcus glared back.

“You’re stubborn for someone imprisoned here for the rest of his life,” Picante said.

Marcus chuckled. “And what makes you think I’m going to be here for the rest of my life?”

“Look around, Marcus. The only prisoners who can help you plan an escape are—as you so well put it—tree-sprites.” He tapped the bars with his sword. “Enjoy my king’s hospitality.”

“My hope lies in the Runes, Picante, which say that Salla will be dethroned.”

Picante laughed again. “Then you place your hope in fairy-tales. The only cherubian with the power to dethrone his majesty is dead.” His grin broadened. “I’ll let you three in on a little secret. I helped hand him over to the scabs that killed him.”

Marcus, Theo, and Tyce flew at the door and reached for Picante through the bars. Picante jumped back before Marcus grabbed his tunic.

“I’ll kill you, Picante!” yelled Marcus. “When I get out of here, I swear I’ll kill you!”

Picante laughed. “In that case, I’ll be alive for quite some time.” He turned and walked away.

“I saw the body, Picante,” Marcus yelled after him. “That wasn’t Davian you buried.”

Picante stopped, but did not turn around.

“Did you and Salla think you could fool me?” Marcus continued. “That body you produced was missing a few tell-tale scars.”

Numerous scars covered Davian’s body, including the newest scar he earned during the Third Battle when a poisonwood arrow grazed his arm, but the most prevalent was the one he earned when he jumped into a pack of wolves to rescue a soldier. One of the wolves latched onto Davian’s upper arm. Davian ripped the beast off, but the scar near his deltoid never faded. The arms on the body Marcus carried to the morgue, however, were smooth. Marcus removed the body’s breastplate and searched for scars from a mornacht that scratched Davian’s stomach when he threw off his armor to rescue a drowning cherubian girl. The body’s stomach was perfect.

Picante whipped around, pulled his sword, and flew at Marcus, who backed away from the bars, staring at the tip of Picante’s sword only an inch away from his nose.

“Did you honestly think I’d leave matters alone?” Marcus asked. “Tyce, Theo, and I followed Davian’s trail. You know where it led? Into a dark wood a few miles south of the City of Ezzer, where we found evidence of a meeting between soldiers and scabs. We also found scab tracks mixed with cherubian blood leading south. We even know where they took him. They’ve imprisoned him in the Dungeon of Enbed. Why do you think your precious king put us here? He arrested us the moment we asked to look for Davian. Guess he was afraid Davian might return.”

For half-a-second, the visible parts of Picante’s face turned a shade lighter. “It’s a pity you couldn’t rescue him ten years ago,” he snapped. “Not even Davian could survive Enbed for this long.” He turned marched away.

Theo’s smile faded. He sank to the floor and leaned his head against the limestone wall. “He’s right, Major. Seraph Davian could never have survived ten years in Enbed.”

Marcus grunted. “The Runes say he will.”

Theo closed his eyes. “The Runes are just a fairy-tale, Major.”

Marcus lunged at Theo and pushed him into the wall. “Don’t let me hear you say that again.” He threw Theo aside and limped to the far corner of the cell. He sat down and groaned, hoping Tyce or Theo could not see his own doubt. He reached into his boot and felt Davian’s ring, which he had sewn inside, a ring he vowed to return to Davian. Despite Marcus’s confidence in Davian’s return, Picante’s words still rang true—no cherubian could survive Enbed for ten years without breaking. If Davian was still alive, he probably teetered on the brink of suffering the horrible fate of the rest of Enbed’s prisoners, or he had already succumbed to it. “We’ve got to get to him,” Marcus muttered. But how? His three previous escape attempts had failed, convincing him that escape from the quarries without outside help was impossible.

*****

The Enbed Mountains rose out of eastern Morvenia’s smoke-filled faults and cracks. Deep in the heart of the tallest mountain lay ancient mineshafts carved ages before the cherubians and the mornachts ever fought in battle, now called the Dungeon of Enbed. Torches of fire scattered along the walls gave the dungeon its only light. Water dripped throughout the mine into puddles. The constant drips, the occasional yells of a prisoner, the rhythmic crack of the mornachts’ whips, the darkness—each could drive any prisoner insane.

The prisoners trudged through the mine’s damp shafts, shackled in chains. Gnomes, fauns, nymphs, sprites—Enbed opened its hospitality to anyone. But only one cherubian toiled there. His long, brown hair was knotted and mangled, and his beard reached almost to his chest. His black tunic hung on one shoulder by a few threads, and his once silver seraph’s kilt was now as dark as his tunic. His sea-green eyes told a tale far worse. Their familiar gleam—their fire—resembled a lone ember flickering for the last time.

A row of gnomes filed past. Not one trembled at the sound of the whip. Not one cowered when a mornacht struck him. Not one turned when another fell to the ground in exhaustion. They were vacuous: soulless walking bodies devoid of personality and will, a condition Davian knew was incurable. When he first entered Enbed, he watched the vacuous prisoners in horror. Now he gazed upon them with envy. None of them felt the whip’s sting. None of them endured the mine’s toil. Davian felt his mind begging to block out the stimuli.

The only other non-vacuous prisoner in Enbed, a four-foot-tall gnome called Klous who had a talent for metallurgy and chemistry, shoveled sulfur only twenty yards away. The gnome wore a dingy shirt and a vest that was once sky-blue. His grey pants were torn up to his thighs. Dirt covered his hairy arms and legs, and his black hair and beard had grown long. He too, watched the gnomes file past. He turned to Davian and gasped. “No,” he whispered. “Seraph!” he yelled. “No!”

Davian glanced at Klous. What a funny little gnome. He collapsed against the dirt wall. Just let go, his mind whispered. Davian tried to think of things that often brought him back: Cassadern’s warning, telling him not to give up his faith or his hope, Marcus still alive, fighting Salla back in Elysia, fragments of the Runes that had yet to wander from his memory. He tried to imagine his tree cottage but had forgotten what it looked like.

Klous ran toward him. “No, Seraph!” The chain on Klous’s leg tightened, and he fell to the ground. He grabbed a handful of rocks and threw them at Davian. “Don’t let them win!”

Davian felt something hit his forehead. He looked down to see a piece of sulfur that had fallen in front of him. I can’t feel anymore.

“No!” Davian cried out, hoping the words might stimulate his senses. His yell sounded faint and far away. He stood up. I won’t let them win. He tried to recall the one memory that helped him through Enbed’s most painful torture sessions, but he saw only a vague outline of a cherubian woman with brown hair. Nothing more. I’ve forgotten her face. He stared at the gnome, who seemed to be shouting, but Davian heard only a muffled sound. He fell to the ground, groped for his shovel, and grasped its neck, intending to ram the spade into his throat.

I will not become like them.

To be continued in The Elysian Chronicles: Out of the Shadows.

Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Posted in Books & Works by M. B. Weston, The Elysian Chronicles | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Writing: Making Sure Your Make-Believe Elements Work Correctly

If you want to make your make-believe elements feel believable, they have to work correctly and logically within the world you have created.  

For the past few weeks, I’ve been writing a series of posts about writing speculative fiction, including fantasy, science fiction, steampunk, comic books, paranormal, and horror. (For the full list, click here or on the category called “Making Make-Believe Believable.”) This week, we are taking a closer look at the second rule for making readers suspend their disbelief and buy into our story’s make-believe elements: Rule #2—Make Your Make-Believe Feel Believable. We will be discussing these four techniques:

Today, we will focus on the last item on the list: The use of make-believe in everyday life.

One of my good friends in elementary school was a boy named Beau. One day, Beau and I decided to play with Legos. We didn’t just grab a box of Legos and begin building houses and store fronts. No, my friends, Beau and I were much more creative than that. We decided that we would each build a Lego space station. Then, we would have a contest to see whose space station could hold up in a battle against the other’s.

Our contest did not involve throwing objects at the other station. It involved strategy during the design period and creativity during battle. It sounded something like this:

Me: I’m going to fire missiles at you with my proton torpedo. (We watched a lot of Star Wars, as you can imagine.)
Beau: You can’t. My force field is up, and it’s too strong. I’m sending lunar rocks your way with this catapult.
Me: I have a force field too, you know.
Beau: Oh. Well, you don’t see it, but I have an underground tunnel (our stations were based on the moon), and my people have just placed bombs underneath you.
Me: Oh really? Well, my guards sensed them coming with their radar, and your guys are dead! Oh, look, now I have extra bombs.

You can imagine how long it took to determine a winner. (And people wonder how I became I writer of fantasy and science fiction with strong military themes…)

In our little game, we each had to think through how our particular space stations were designed, and we needed to use the resources we had given ourselves creatively. We developed all sorts of weapons and defenses. While we didn’t need to know how they all worked, we needed to know how they were used and when to use them. We had to make sure everything worked in the environment because our adversary would point out when something was askew. “You can’t have your guys out there for four hours! They’d run out of oxygen. Nice try,” might have been something one of us said.

Your make-believe elements need to hold up and work within the world you’ve created the same way our Lego space stations did. Your make-believe elements also need to be used, and used correctly. This is one way you can make your make-believe feel believable.

Many techniques you can use to this are similar to those discussed in yesterday’s post on character reactions. Rather than retype everything, click here if you need a refresher. I figured I would add two more techniques that specifically are used for make-believe worlds and elements rather than character reactions:

Think through the logic of a) how something works or b) the rules of your world to make sure they don’t have any flaws. This will require extra time and effort on your part. In my Elysian Chronicles series, my angels can morph into humans. I created a bunch of rules for how it worked, including what happens to their clothing and weapons. (Clothing stays the same, the weapons technically stay the same, but saying more would give away parts of book 3.) And human-angels can’t see angel-angels because they have taken on the full characteristics of humans, so if my point of view character is human, he or she can’t see what is going on in the other dimension. A Prophecy Forgotten contains a scene where five angels engage in battle against each other. They begin morphing into humans, then back into angels, then back into humans. This scene was a nightmare to write. I spent hours follow through with each character to make sure I knew what dimension he or she was in, what happened to their weapons, what point of view I was writing from… Despite my best efforts, I still ended up with a bow and arrow—the key character-saving tool in the scene—in the wrong dimension, and we couldn’t fix it until the novel’s 2nd edition.

Here is part of that scene. When the scene began, Gabriella was an angel who had morphed into a human and was wearing human clothing. When she morphed back into an angel, I didn’t realize I had some clothing issues until I put myself in the scene. My big problem: her human clothing was not designed for wings. Here’s how I fixed it:

Gabriella’s wings tore through the sweatshirt she was wearing, and she soared out of the house and over the trees, all too glad to be free of her human body. She turned around and flew back to the house to help the major keep Tommy alive.

Can you imagine what would have happened if the book was published and every reader realized that Gabriella’s wings would not have fit inside her sweatshirt? Follow through with your logic. Use charts if you have to.

Use If/Then Questions: “If this happens, then what would happen to this?” is something you need to ask yourself consistently about your make-believe elements. My mornachts (demon creatures) explode about 3 minutes after they die. It sounded like a cool thing to create, and it was a new concept I had never heard of before. However when I started writing, I realized that exploding bodies created a few problems and interesting situations for me:

  • My main characters were in what we may as well refer to as “angel special ops.” (I call them RSO’s for Reconnaissance & Sabotage Order, but that’s a whole other subject.) Through using if/then questions, I realized that exploding bodies would put a damper on my soldiers’ secret missions. I kept the exploding bodies and wrote around the problem.
  • I also realized that these exploding bodies would make great bombs if thrown at the right time. This has saved my characters’ lives more than once.

Here is an example of part of scene that would never have happened if I had not used if/then questions. (NOTE: Boronan is a unicorn.):

One of the mornachts jumped off the saber and landed on Boronan’s back. It wrapped its fingers around Davian’s throat.

“I’ll crush you like a sprite!” it hissed.

Davian reached into his boot, grabbed his dagger, and pushed it behind him right into the mornacht’s belly. Then he broke the mornacht’s neck and held on until the corpse began to steam.

“He’s going to blow, sir!” yelled Marcus.

Davian ignored Marcus and waited until fire spewed out of the mornacht’s armor. He heaved the smoldering body into the thickest pack of wolves. It exploded just as they pounced, killing most of the pack.

The question I probably asked myself: “If mornachts can explode, then why can’t Davian use this one as a bomb?” If/then questions are some great tools to use if you want to make your world and your make-believe elements work.

What to take from this: Yet again, to make your unbelievable world feel believable, you have to put yourself in the scene. Follow through with you make-believe elements and ask yourself if/then questions.

Mainstream Writers: The same goes for you, especially if you are introducing real items that many people haven’t experienced.

Speculative Writers: You will definitely need someone else to read your work to make sure your story makes sense and to give you ideas.
Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Posted in The World of Writing, Writing Believable Make-Believe | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Writing: Character Reactions Can Make Or Break Suspension of Disbelief

Character reactions to and use of your make-believe elements can make or break your reader’s suspension of disbelief.

I’m a huge Yankees fan. During baseball season—especially the final few weeks and the playoffs—I do whatever it takes to keep track of the scores. A few years ago, if a playoff game was on and I was out to dinner with my family, I would make put myself where I could see a television, or I would walk into the restaurant’s bar to check out the scores on ESPN’s ticker. Nowadays, if I want to know the scores, I discreetly check my smartphone. What a difference a few years of technology makes!

Now imagine this: I’m a character in your novel. I play the obsessive-Yankees-fan-comic-relief role. It’s the year 2012, and you’ve made sure the reader knows I have a smartphone with internet access. In your scene, the Yankees are playing the Red Sox in the last game of the season, the division title and playoff berth is on the line, and I’m stuck in a French restaurant for girls’ night out with no television access. I’m frustrated that I can’t find out the score. I create a reason to leave the restaurant so I can hop over to the sports bar next door to catch up on the game. At the sports bar, I get kidnapped, which moves your plot forward.

You, the writer, have a very big problem.

I, as your character, have a smartphone. I can discreetly check the score throughout dinner. Any diehard sports fan reading your story would point that out because we use our smart phones to check scores all the time. (The webpage with the Yankees scoreboard is bookmarked on my phone.) Therefore, I have no reason to enter the sports bar next door. Therefore, I’m not kidnapped. You’ve provided me with super-cool technology that would be considered make-believe ten years ago, but you’ve neglected to let me use the technology the way my character actually would use it. You’ve also lost anyone in your audience who uses a smartphone. They no longer believe my character is valid.

As mentioned earlier: Character reactions to and use of your make-believe elements can make or break your reader’s suspension of disbelief.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been writing a series of posts about writing speculative fiction, including fantasy, science fiction, steampunk, comic books, paranormal, and horror. (For the full list, click here or on the category called “Making Make-Believe Believable.”) This week, we are taking a closer look at the second rule for making readers suspend their disbelief and buy into our story’s make-believe elements: Rule #2—Make Your Make-Believe Feel Believable. We will be discussing these four techniques:

Today, we’re discussing character reactions. Here are a few things to keep in mind about your characters’ behavior regarding your make-believe elements and worlds:

  • Characters need to use the make-believe elements you have given them. All seven Harry Potter books are excellent examples of this. Every time a character could and would use magic, J. K. Rowling make sure to show it (or explain why magic wouldn’t work in the situation). If your vampire can read human minds (please don’t make him sparkly), he had better not get caught unawares by a human.
  • Get into your characters’ heads to figure out how they would react. We discussed this in Tuesday’s post on sensory details, if you would like to read more.
  • Explain why character behavior might not make sense, given the make-believe elements you’ve provided. Why hasn’t your all-powerful psychic won the lottery? Make sure to explain it. In my Elysian Chronicles series, my angels frequently ride unicorns. A few people ask why they don’t just fly. My answer: their airspace has been compromised. Translation: too many snipers lurk in the war-torn territories and can shoot down angels who try to fly.
  • Characters should react to make-believe elements as though they are believable elements—within the world you have created. Remember Ron’s reaction to Harry’s chocolate frog jumping out of the train in the Harry Potter series? He said, “Bad luck,” as though chocolate frogs jumping around were completely normal. To Ron, they were normal.
  • If you bring characters from different worlds or cultures together, pay attention to how they react to newfound make-believe elements. In the movie, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, I love the reactions of the characters when the beaver first meets the children. The children are shocked the beaver can talk. The beaver is shocked that the children don’t know that animals can talk. I also love how the faun, Mr. Tumnus, is afraid of Lucy when he first meets her. He had never encountered a human before.
  • Remember that cultures have nicknames and colloquialisms. If you have created your own worlds you need to create nicknames, jokes, and colloquialisms. In The Elysian Chronicles, my soldier characters use words like “sprite” and “faun” as heavy putdowns. They call my demonic creatures “scabs” instead of mornachts. Battlestar Galactica characters us “frak” as their f-bomb.
  • The best way catch when your characters aren’t behaving correctly: use beta readers. They catch everything. I cover how to use beta readers in an earlier post on the writing process (click here to read).
  • Don’t despair if you have to change your character’s behavior, which compromises a major plot point. Write your way out of it. In the first example of me using my smartphone to check the Yankees score, you can always have me forget the phone, drop it in a toilet, or kill the battery. All three create tension and drama. (And if my phone doesn’t work, I can’t call out if I’m kidnapped, can I? You’ve just fixed two problems with one story adjustment!)

What to take from this: Adding in make-believe elements will change the way your character behaves. Make sure to think through your character behavior in logical fashion.

Mainstream Writers: You’re not off the hook. My smartphone example above is mainstream example.

Speculative Writers: Your task is daunting because you don’t have access to your make-believe elements. Make sure you use advance readers to help you find character behavior issues.

Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Posted in Character Development, The World of Writing, Writing Believable Make-Believe | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments